Positive family experiences don't just happen.

Never take those you love for granted ...

Parenting shapes not only your children but also their children because most excellent parents have been raised by excellent parents, while wounding parents have been raised by wounded and wounding parents before them.

Foundationally, every child asks his or her parents two questions, whether the parent is aware or not...

Moerman 'Kids' in 2008

Murray and Carol's adult 'kids' in 2008

The first question is "Do you truly, unconditionally, always love me?" The answer of course must be "yes." Every parent intends the answer to be yes though he or she may struggle to make his or her behaviour consistent with that answer, particularly as it intersects with the second question..."Can I do what I want?"

As our children ask, and often press hard with the second question, our answer to our children must be essentially: "No, you can't do anything you want but need to learn to control your impulses for the good of yourself and others." When we give this answer however, we must be careful not to inadvertently also send the "no" message to the first question of: "Do you love me?".

Rather we as parents want to say "yes" to the question of unconditional love of our child, while teaching him or her to limit his or her behaviour. This is the challenge of parenting. But it can be done!

As you take your next steps as intentional parents, please consider

  1. how you currently answer these two vital questions of your child and

  2. what steps you will take to answer each of these questions as you intend.

Please take some time to discuss this central issue in parenting with your spouse, a small group of other parents with children of similar ages to yours, or a trusted grandparent:

  Every Parent Continually Answers These Two Questions of Their Child:
"Do you truly love me?"


No >

Produces a Sociopath

Produces a Wounded Child
Yes > Produces a Spoiled Child

Our Goal in Parenting (i.e. How God Treats Us)






    "Can I do what I want?"
(Concept: Dr. Larry Crabb)