Praying Together

Some may raise an eyebrow at the thought, but the truth is praying together as a couple brings an intimacy of spirit deeper than physical intimacy.

Learning to pray together brings benefits well worth a few stumbling starts. Yet many couples who pray privately are not comfortable praying audibly, even with their spouse.

Becoming comfortable praying together may mean overcoming a lack of confidence or fear of not expressing yourself well, perhaps a concern about revealing a shallow spirituality, or a fear of being deeply emotionally vulnerable.

Why make the effort?

  • Because prayer together will help you grow spiritually

  • Because prayer together will nurture your marriage or dating relationship

  • Because your spouse or partner already knows more about your inner life than you may think, prayer together will help you be more honest with yourself and to talk about it in healthy, healing ways;

  • Because praying together strengthens you to overcome the challenges of life and be stronger as you do so;

  • Because praying with your spouse helps you focus together on what's most important in your lives and marriage;

  • Because prayer requires us to keep short accounts. If we've been angry or unforgiving, praying together moves us quickly to reconcile - reconciliation enables our heart to pray and prayer enables us to reconcile. The Bible urges us to "confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed (James 5:16)."

Carol and I often pray after we've turned off the light and before we sleep. Now that we are empty-nested we often go the the sofa after supper, read a chapter of scripture; I lay with my head on her lap and we pray for our children, our needs and the needs of the world and of our friends. It's a precious time of spiritual intimacy. Sometimes when we hear news we simply transition our normal conversation to prayer without expressing an intention to do so.


If you are not yet in the habit of praying together, especially if you are not yet married, take baby steps and grow in confidence. For example, say the Lord's Prayer together. Or write three phrases that represent important realities in your life or relationship and take turns in praying about one of the six phrases. You will grow and value your prayer times more and more. The important thing is to start - be the first to suggest doing so to your spouse or partner.